These Phrases from A Dad That Helped Me when I became a New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who still absorb damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - going on a short trip away, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."